When My World Stopped Turning
by verymuchalive
Summary: On the day of Fred's funeral George Weasley takes a chance and screams to the heavens, in which he contemplates death, faith and just whether or not he can go on. Drabble-ish.


_Deathly Hallows is, in itself, very religious. I myself am an atheist but I respect that there is stated to be an afterlife in the books, and so wanted to play off the idea of a test of faith after so much loss in the Final Battle. Enjoy. _

* * *

Mum and Dad never really raised us to believe in an afterlife, did they? God and The Bible and all that, we knew about them but they were just like electricity and cars and foreign wars; Muggle stuff that we didn't need to concern ourselves with at all. Important, yes, but only in a world that was different to ours. For people who were afraid of dying, who needed reassurance.

I think we were both afraid of dying, Fred. Neither of us liked to admit it though and so everything within us that was begging to be comforted and reassured the past year went unnoticed. We hid behind jokes and busied ourselves in our shop and let other people worry about the boring things.

I wish we'd at least spoken about the possibilities that by the end of the war it wouldn't be _us _anymore; that it'd just be me or you.

I've been to so many funerals in the past few days, Fred. I've seen so many corpses being laid to rest, so many grieving families. I've seen a tiny blue-haired baby in Harry's arms who will never know his parents. I've heard Mum sobbing in the middle of the night and bargaining with the darkened-sky to take her instead and bring you back.

I think we all like to think that there's a bit more to this life, that this isn't just it. At least for the time being, until the pain subsides and we can all finally accept that those who left us aren't going to come back. Our world is at a loss right now; so many families have been torn apart, buildings need to be rebuilt and our government is in turmoil. Imagine me ever caring about politics, eh Fred? I guess a lot has changed. It'll get better, that's what Kingsley says at least - but he's lost friends too and there's something in his eyes that tells me that he doesn't always believe the words it's now his job to say.

Who am I kidding, Fred? How am I ever meant to get over this? To accept you aren't coming back? I've never known anything else! I've never been just one person, I'm a twin. You can't just have one twin, that's not how it works. I don't exist as one entity, when they buried you they buried half of me too. I'm not going to get that back. We're Fred and George. It's a package deal. George Weasley doesn't exist by himself.

You'd laugh at me if you saw me crying now. I can't stop, three days of emotion is pouring out, bursting worth and threatening to ruin me. I think that it's maybe more than that though. I didn't cry when Ginny was taken into that chamber and left to die. I didn't cry when Dad was attacked by that snake. I didn't cry for Sirius or Dumbledore or Mad-Eye. It just wasn't what we did, you and I.

No, we didn't cry. We cracked jokes and made light of the situations to make ourselves feel better.

It's more difficult to do that when there's no-one to laugh with, Fred. It's not funny anymore.

Why did you have to be such a hero, you idiot? Why didn't you just stay on the sidelines and man the passages like we were meant to? Maybe then you'd still be here, with me. We could laugh about the good times with Remus and Tonks and everyone else who died a hero's death and cope that way. But no, you had to be reckless and take everything into your own hands. You wanted to stop more people from dying.

I don't know whether to be angry or proud.

Your funeral was today. You would have hated it. Yes, I know, I heard that in my head - of course you would, it's your bloody funeral. You would have though. It was dismal, tranquil and emotional. Everything you aren't … weren't.

Harry paid for a white marble tombstone - Mum and Dad couldn't really afford anything too grand. Harry said that you deserved something every bit as good as Dumbledore, though, and wouldn't take no for an answer. He was always good like that, generous. Can you imagine, Fred, he and Ginny were dating and they never told us? He says he's going to marry her, not yet obviously, but someday. I said he'd have your blessing if he did, I hope that's okay. I think he's the only guy even half-way good enough for her.

I just sat there though, during the service. I felt the eyes on me and I ignored them, for once I really didn't feel like being the centre of attention. I just … I looked at the casket, Fred and I fought back the tears - you're my best friend, my brother, my other half … how can you let go of that, even for a second? Let alone for the rest of my god-forsaken life.

Please come back, Fred.

I'll do anything.

I'm not an idiot. I know that eventually the tears will subside and over the years those names that are now littering the obituary pages in The Daily Prophet every single day will eventually just become meaningless words on that huge war memorial in Hogsmeade. I don't agree with it, but I know it will happen.

The world should have stopped turning when you died, Fred. I'm still at a loss for why it hasn't. My own personal world has; that fixed point in the universe that was ours and ours alone, filled with laughs and the promise of a life less ordinary, has gone, left. You're dead. I'm existing by clinging onto other peoples worlds: my biggest fear is that someday my fingers will slip.

So, Fred, answer me this: Can you hear me or am I am I an idiotic prick, standing on a beach and pouring my heart out to the wind and waves and them alone?

I believe the latter.

I wish for the first though. I don't want to think of my best friend alone in a coffin under the earth and destined to stay that way for ever. I don't want to remember you the way I saw you today, Fred. No offence, mate, but you looked terrible … so pale. There was no smile. You look different without a smile. No, I want to think that you're up there somewhere getting drunk with Sirius and flirting with Tonks to annoy Lupin.

If you can hear me Fred, at least try. I can't live with you. Try and come back to me, I need you here, more than they need you up there. Make a bargain or something. Sweet talk the almighty, you're nothing if not a smooth talker, after all.

Just ... anything.

Please, Fred.


End file.
